Tuesday, May 1, 2012

12 Years Without Her...

Today is a very bittersweet day for me.  I am completely excited it is May 1st and my birthday is in 10 days, however 12 years ago, this day was the worst day of my life.  I can't believe when I stop, sit and think about it, that it has been 12 years.  For 12 years ago, I was a little girl, a girl with huge ambitions of seeing the world and chasing every dream that came to mind.  Everything was perfect, then my world shattered into a million pieces.  Trying to figure out how to cope I took my anger out on God.  I disliked him for years and really did not know how I would ever have peace with the situation.  A little girl who was more confused that she ever knew was possible. 

I was incredibly close to my grandma, I saw her almost every weekend and loved her so much it still hurts to this very day.  I lost an angel in my life that day, and feel blessed to know that she is up above watching me.  She has seen me accomplish so many of my life goals and is probably laughing at how much I haven't changed and am still very much like that little girl.  The girl who could not go ten seconds without speaking and would sit in front of her for her to scratch my back for hours on end.  It is hard to believe how fast time flies when you aren't paying attention. 

The word cancer wasn't even mentioned throughout my life because I never really knew anyone that had it, and then when she got it, it was terrifying. How could this disease take a persons life without any regard to that person or her family.  I never hate anyone or anything but let me just say this I HATE CANCER! I will be honest though, even though I only got to know her for 10 years, those 10 years made an impression that will last a lifetime. 

She taught me so many valuable lessons about life and what is truly important.  She had a way of putting everything into perspective and making the world shine around her.  I am beyond sad that she had to leave, but feel beyond blessed I got to know her at all. You never realize how precious life is until you lose someone.  Then you realize just what matters and who matters the most. 

I finally got right with God and realized that everything happens for a reason and although I may not understand that reason, it is worth trusting Him and knowing the He does.  I know everything is a part of the big picture so therefore I will continue to believe in His will. I hope you all go and hug someone today and realize how special they are to your life.  Maybe you should thank them for contributing in a small or large way.  Have a great day!! God Bless!

Gwen Goodwin you will forever be an angel watching over me and for that I am grateful.

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